使用从句连接词增强拖动力
有时汉语句子很长,原因可能是修饰语特别长或分句较多,如译成一句英语单句,内部关系会显得过于复杂。如使用从句连接词将一部分信息分流出来,作为一个相对独立的单元来处理,这往往可以减轻读者的阅读心理负担。
例1.工业产权的转让或者许可合同是指涉及发明专利权、实用新 型专利权、外观设计专利权以及商标权的转让或者许可的合同(仅涉 及商标权转让的合同除外)。(《合同管理条例施行细则》)
译文 1: Contracts for assignment or licensing of industrial property rights refer to those for assignment or licensing of rights relating to invention patents, new utility model patents, exterior design patents as well as trademarks excluding those merely for assignment of rights of trademarks. (1992 年译本)
译文 2: This type of contract refers to a contract which involves the assignment or licensing of an invention patent, a patent for usage rights to a new pattern, an exterior design patent or a trademark (with the exception of a contract for the assignment of a trademark).(澳大利亚译本)
评析:在译文1中,一个小小的for字要引导后面29个单词,实在有些力不从心。顺便指出,如将relating to升格为从句that relate to,然后归小词for管辖,则更显得不合理。
译文2将for引导的超长介词词组升格为which引导的从句,结构更凸显,使读者从心理上已估计到可能要出现一个较长的结构,其注意力会更集中,因而也更容易读懂此长句。
例2.不坚持社会主义,不改革开放,不发展经济,不改善人民生活,只能是死路一条。
译文 1 : Without adherence to socialism,implementation of the reform and opening policy,development of the economy, and improvements in the livelihood of the people, we would find ourselves in a blind alley.(《北京周报》)
译文 2: If we did not adhere to socialism,implement the policies of reform and opening to the outside world,develop the economy and raise living standards,we would find ourselves in a blind alley.(外文出版社)
评析:汉语能经得起重复,在上面一例中,“不”字被反复使用而无甚不妥。译文1使用Without,但在英语中不宜过多重复使用 Without。现在Without这一个介词必须拖动直至we前面的22个单 词,显得有些马力不足,水平不太高的读者在读到improvements in the livelihood of the people时,可能已经忘记这一词组与Without 之间的关系了。如将Without改成较长的In the absence of,读者的大脑须花较多时间来处理这一词组,因此能记住这一词组的时间会更长一些,因而它与后面的 improvements in the livelihood of the people连接也就更紧密一些。如要进一步增强粘合性,还可使用 3.1.2节的办法,使衔接词语更具延续性:In the absence of..., of…,of… ,and of…。
但更好的衔接办法是将介词词组转为从句。译文2使用If从句,含有清楚的主、谓、宾结构,读起来更省力。
例3.(姓“资”还是姓“社”)判断的标准,应该主要看是否有利于发展社会主义社会的生产力,是否有利于增强社会主义国家的综合国力,是否有利于提高人民生活水平。(《邓选》)
The chief criterion for making that judgment should be whether it promotes the growth of the productive forces in a socialist society,whether it increases the overall strength of the socialist state and whether it raises the people’s living standards. (《北京周报》)
评析:重复是汉语的一个特征,原文连续使用三个“是否”,并无不妥。英译时可以重复whether。但鉴于这句句子长度中等,不算太长,如果删除后面两个whether也未尝不可。